Five Simple Steps to Save Your Marriage
Is it possible to save your marriage? Read on to find out!
It’s sad but true: Statistics show that about 45% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce.
As someone once said, statistics are stories with the tears washed off. 😢
What can you do to avoid becoming just another statistic, and to help save your troubled marriage?
You’re likely reading this right now because your marriage is on the rocks.
If things continue as they are, divorce may seem like the only option.
You may be really unhappy with the condition of your marriage, and you’re looking for hope and help.
Let’s face it: You walked down the wedding aisle with visions of romance, sure that your charming spouse would make your life fulfilled and happy. 👰
But as honeymoon memories faded out and stresses like finances and children settled in, you’ve gone from occasional disagreements to full-blown shouting matches.
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You go to bed at night discouraged and wake up to a dark cloud hovering over your once sunny relationship.
Where has the love gone? ❤️
What happened to that person you once found so fun and attractive?
Are you forever stuck with a hopeless marriage until death do you part?
This probably isn’t the first thing you’ve ever read about marriage, but let me suggest something you’ve likely never thought about before.
In order to save your marriage, what you need is a serious change in your way of thinking, something sometimes referred to as a paradigm shift.
Instead of having a marriage full of fighting, how about taking a new approach: fighting FOR your marriage?
5 Steps to Save Your Marriage
Here are five simple yet profound steps that could make the difference between a marriage that thrives and one that dies, a relationship that goes the distance and one that ends up in the flaming ash heap of divorce statistics.
Step #1: Realize that you’re on the same side
This may seem like such a simple statement, but this is a really powerful truth!
Put another way, your spouse doesn’t need to be your enemy.
Sure, in the midst of fighting, all you can think about is the urge to fight back, or to get away from that person who’s causing you so much grief.
But in the calmer moments, think back to how things used to be.
Remember how in the beginning you couldn’t wait to spend time together.
Being apart even for short periods of time seemed like torture!
If you really want to not only survive, but actually thrive in your marriage, you must get away from the “me versus them” mentality.
This is a must if you want to move forward towards healing!
Despite the really nasty things that have been said and done, the mental, physical and spiritual bonds of marriage are profoundly strong and deep.
Severing those deep bonds with the person you are closest to in all the world cannot be be done without intense emotional pain and scarring.
The legal bonds of marriage may be broken but the intense grief of physical separation will only get worse.
You need to think long and hard about the serious and devastating consequences of divorce!
Avoid the temptation to bad mouth your spouse with your friends to try and gain sympathy and get others to take your side against your spouse.
This will only drive a further wedge between the two of you and make the likelihood of further conflict and eventual divorce that much more likely.
Step #2: Do one small act of kindness for your spouse each day
Here’s another little-known secret to save your marriage.
Maybe it’s leaving a little handwritten note on their car dashboard saying something like “I love you and hope you have a really great day!”
Or maybe it’s bringing home Cheetos instead of Doritos because Cheetos is your spouse’s favorite.
This act of kindness doesn’t need to involve much (if anything) in time or money.
In fact, something free is often better, although if you’re a guy, know that you can’t go wrong with giving your wife some pretty flowers. 🌹
The point is to do something that shows affection for your spouse, letting them know that you really do love them, that you are thinking about them, and that you want in some tangible way to do something to bless and encourage them.
Do this consistently and see what happens!
And if you’re a praying person, pray for your spouse each day. It’s hard to keep feeling anger towards someone you pray for on a daily basis.
Step #3: Make time for just the two of you, with a change of scenery if possible
If you have kids, ask your mom or another trusted relative to watch the kids while the two of you take off for a refreshing weekend getaway.
The goal is to connect your hearts and restore your relationship.
While you’re gone, turn off your phones and make a real effort to communicate on a heart-to-heart level.
Make a concerted effort to tell your spouse how much they really mean to you, and how much you want to see your marriage bond enriched and strengthened.
Don’t pretend like conflict and tension in your relationship have never existed, but don’t dwell on that either.
Be sensitive to an opportunity opening up during your time away to seek reconciliation (restoring that which is broken) and ask forgiveness (see Step Five below).
Step #4: Visualize a marital relationship filled with harmony and love
This isn’t magic or wishful thinking!
Visualization is a powerful tool that can help shape our thoughts, words and deeds.
Deliberately spend time each morning thinking positive thoughts about your marriage.
Form mind pictures of you and your spouse enjoying being together, smiling at each other and speaking words that build each other up.
Also use these visualization times as an opportunity to look inside yourself to evaluate weaknesses in your own life that are blocking the flow of harmonious marital love.
Avoid the temptation to only visualize how you want your spouse to be or to change.
Don’t downplay your own need to undergo the needed transformation that will strengthen and rebuild your relationship.
(Our FREE Marriage Affirmation Cards are perfect for your visualization times.)
Step #5: Admit it when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness
This principle may be the most important—and the most neglected.
It’s always easier to blame your spouse when things go wrong, to assume they are the main cause of your marriage problems.
But the reality is that we all do and say things from time to time that tear down rather than build up, things that hurt those who are the very closest to us.
Don’t let your pride get in the way of saying, “Hey, you know when I said _____ earlier today? That was really thoughtless of me and I’m so sorry I said that. Would you forgive me for hurting you?”
Warning: This step of admitting wrongdoing and asking forgiveness takes a massive swallowing of your pride!
You will likely find this really hard to do the first couple of times. But don’t give up—there is great power in confession and forgiveness!
You might think your spouse won’t accept your apology, or that they might use it against you.
But give them a chance and see what happens.
A spouse who is angry or defensive will almost always be taken off guard when you admit wrong-doing and ask for forgiveness.
Give it a try and you may be surprised!
Final Thoughts on how to Save Your Marriage
I hope this has encouraged you that it is possible to save your troubled marriage!
So now that you know the five simple steps, are you willing to do them?
If not, what do you have to lose? Your marriage?
Remember that your marriage problems didn’t happen overnight and positive change won’t always happen immediately either.
Don’t give up, and most of all don’t give in to the lie that your marriage is hopeless and you are helpless!
Give these five simple yet powerful steps a try and see how your marriage can be transformed from sick and dying to alive and thriving.
Our Married Treasure Marriage Affirmation Cards are a free tool designed to give you the practical help you need to begin rebuilding and strengthening your marriage.
Click here to download this FREE tool to help save your marriage.
